Shikamaru dies!
by Prodigial-Knight
Summary: Shikamaru dies and appears in front of the true god of the Naruto-verse to account for his deeds. A Dark Divine Comedy of Justice. One-Shot.Rated M for depictions of hell, but violence or torture is not the focus, it is a comedy.


Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and Jump Festa please support the original release.

Additional disclaimer: The deity portrayed in this fiction is indeed fictional, the situation occurring in this fic is meant only to serve dark comedy any link you can find to RL religion is not intended nor do I wish to discuss it.

Truth be told given the times he lived in especially his youth Shikamaru never expected to pass on peacefully, sure he told people his dream in life was just to be a ordinary chunnin, get married, have kids and die of old age but deep down he was sure he was going to die at the hands of one of the countless nuke-nin with a hatred of Kohona and super powerful jutsu.

His last day on this earth was very un-eventful, he got up kissed his wife, who was already up, on her head still marveling every day how her blond locks had turned to silver, they had their breakfast together and he went to work with the Hokage.

At work no special situations had arisen, he just needed to compile some reports for the Hokage and deliver a short oral synopsis as the Hokage ate lunch with his wife.

Going back home, he found Chouji waiting there for him and he wound up staying for dinner as they fondly remembered the good old days.

At 10 pm, he kissed his wife good night and they both shut off the lights, looking back at it his death must have occurred during sleep, peacefully but nonetheless he couldn't bear to think how his wife will react the next day.

The place he found himself in seemed to be a monumental building, completely made out of white marble with no windows to see the outside whether it was day,night or something else which didn't exist on Earth, he and the people around him, a divergent lot men,women,young,old all races and creeds, was dressed in a simple white silk robe.

He stood around and tried to take in as much of his surroundings as he could so that he could have a ideea what to do next.

-"Oy Shikamaru Nara ! Over here" a voice called out to him loudly with the tone normally used for barking orders on the battlefield but still distinctly feminine.

-"My name is Uriel" a tall dark skinned woman said as she approached him " you may address me as Archangel Uriel and I've been assigned as your guardian angel."

Shikamaru could just sense the 'troublesome aura' this woman, blond woman why do they always have to be blond, was giving off and although she had not made troublesome gesture there was just something about her armored form, she wore more armor and more tightly knight than even the ninja of old, and even her wings which screamed warrior not guardian.

-"You're not like the kami I worshiped were depicted, is that going to be trouble ?"

-"No, not at all, what you see before you is the, more or less, standard form of the angel of the True God, and yes there is but one True God. I know you humans worship a whole lot of kami,spirits,tengu etc our creator has sent down prophets to establish a cult dedicated to him but it's very small unfortunately."

-"Don't disper though, you won't be treated any worse for being like the 99.75% and not belonging to the right cult ... your deeds will decide your fate."

-"And I got a arch-angel as my own guardian angel?"

-"Well you were a special case ..." Uriel said and she began frowning while Shikamaru noticed she had a sort of seal or rune on her forehead "... 50 years ago ..." Shikamaru did the math that would fall when he was 16 around the Fourth Ninja War " ... you did something which warranted having a higher level angel keep tabs on you."

-"Can I ask what ? I'm guessing I'll have to explain myself but I need more precise information."

-"Too late ... " a huge set of bronze doors opened leading into the court room" I already completed my file and sent it forward, your Fate now as always is ... in the hands of God."

-"Quick advice though: bow when you enter, don't look up except when asked to and don't speak out of line." Uriel said hurriedly then sauntered off, her assignment having been fulfilled apparently.

Shikamaru did as he was told, entering the room bowed advancing and taking in the room's occupants by studying their feet.

By taking in their armored he deduced he was surrounded by a division at least of angels, each of them standing to attention and forming a corridor Shikamaru advanced along it until he could see what seemed like a huge marble dais.

A huge dais implies a huge throne this must be where the big man reigned from.

As if reading his mind a deep voice boomed:

-"Shikamaru of the Nara clan your judgment begins ..."

Shikamaru raise his head just slightly so he could see his god's feet and he saw that they were black, not a shade of black human skin could achieve, they were literally ebony in fact the only thing it reminded him of was ...

-"AND WE FIND YOU GUILTY OF HERESY AND SLAUGHTER ! YOU WILL ROT IN HELL !"

At this Shikamaru couldn't help but raise his eyes to see standing on the throne the one true god, dressed in a toge of sort which let his chest open with skin darker than the night and tatoos which looked like bones in the body and of course with a skull tatoo on his face.

He looked like a giant Hidan, more precisely Hidan with his ritual jutsu activated this was probably the explanation he was channeling this god, the only difference was the lack of a scyte and the fact that god had a small goatee, white like the rest of his hair the style of goatee villains had in novels to show they are the bad guys.

-"So Jashin-sama ..."

-"Ahh you know my true name" Jashin interrupted "so you were listening to Hidan as you left him in that hole ..."

-"But he kille..."

-"Hidan my most faithful prohet, Hidan the world's last chance in centuries to know my true will and laws, Hidan I placed so much faith in him to carry out My Work ... AND YOU HEATHEN ! YOU KILLED HIM IN FULL KNOWLEDGE OF THE HOLLY WORK HE WAS DOING IN MY NAME DESPITE SEEING MY MIRACLES KEEPING HIM IMMORTAL."

-"How troublesome if you'll let me exp..."

-"NO ! YOU GO TO HELL RIGHT NOW !"

Shikamaru could only feel a falling sensation as he was transported to hell to serve out his sentence.

A untold amount of time passed until Shikamaru became accustomed enough to the boiling oil he was in, so that he could think straight, but he knew deep in his bones that the pain would never stop.

-"Hey Shikamaru!" a voice called out from somewhere in the darkness, as the only light source was above.

-"Asuma-sensei!"

-"I guess your judgment was even quicker than mine."

-"Yeah."

-"Look, a word of advice don't look up."

Shikamaru figuring he was literally in Hell already did in fact look up and he could see Hidan alive and well in what must be Heaven partying with a gorgeous blond angel looking as if he was going to get really lucky and

-"Oh come on Kakuzu he was obsessed with money, Nagato Konan they killed hundreds in their rise to power in Rain, Deidara, Obito the whole of Akatusky ..."

-"Hidan vouched for them."

Thus Shikamaru spent the rest of eternity in Hell and looking up at his enemies enjoying themselves in Heaven for Jashin was the one true god of that Universe and his word was law.


End file.
